Author: Meghan Markle
Top 5 Ways I Enjoy Killing Cats
1) Explosives – for this method, I lure the pests close to me with some dried fish treats. I then grab the little mangy fuckers and duct tape a few M-80 fireworks fused together around its neck. Light the fuse, release the beast, and run like hell – it’s going to be rainy guts in a few seconds.
2) Drowning – same as above; lure the vile creatures into a cage with food. Once they are captive, slowly submerge the cage into any body of water nearby (lake, pond, stream, swimming pool, hot tub). It’s really amusing to watch the vile pests freak the fuck out initially and then slowly, painfully run out of oxygen.
3) Starvation – this one requires some patience, but it’s well worth it. After about a week of no food and water, the little shits can’t even lift their heads up when I yell and kick at them. My record for torturing a cat in this method was 13 days before it expired.
4) Decapitation – this method is probably the most humane as it’s over within a few agonizing seconds. All you need is a tree stump and a sharp blade of any kind. They squirm and hiss quite a bit on the initial cut, but if your blade isn’t dull, their stupid head will be on the ground in about 3 seconds and then it’s just about another minute until it bleeds out and ceases to exist.
5) Blunt Force Trauma – really easy for you beginners. Find any object with sufficient mass and swing at and hit the flea bags repeatedly until they stop moving. Extra points for crushing its skull in and watching it flail helplessly in its final moments. They usually make a lot of annoying crying sounds if you don’t bash its face in, so I highly recommend that be the first few blows, and then carry on with lethal kinetic strikes to its body.
Honorable Mention: killing any pregnant cats in any way. The joy it gives me knowing the unborn little assholes will rot to death in the mother’s stomach is indescribable.
I love watching movies here but this is fucking disgusting. Why do you accept retards like this write this bullshit!
i hope you rot in hell and get raped and tortured just like you do to the cats
And what’s rule number one of the Internet again? Make sure you’re using a vpn lol
good ragebait 6/10
“omg im so edgy i like to kill cats and list ways i enjoy doing it on the internet omg arent i so cool and different” touch grass and stop being miserable and maybe people around u will finally love you, or even care enough to recognize ur sad ass existence. ur like a parasite, do no good for anyone or anything around u, the only thing u can do is ruin and rot. no wonder nobody likes u, i bet nobody will even cry at ur funeral.
Ur just corny and gay tbh lol
What a motherfucking evil cunt. Evil fucking dickhead.
What the actual FUCK is wrong with you? I fucking hope you die a miserable, slow death. Actually I hope you never die. I hope you are tortured for the rest of your stupid motherfucking life.
I will first skin you alive and then let my glorious beautiful amazing adorable strong brave smart intelligent cat eat the living shit out pf your nerves and eyes but I’ll make sure you stay alive.
Fuck you. Admin delete this disturbing fucking list.
I’ll beat the fuck out of you if I ever catch you. You better live in fear knowing I’m going to get you. I will eat your fucking eyes and ears. I will punch you and cut your wiener off and then feed it to you raw.